Back to Black

back to blackIt’s dark as only night can be. Smell of burning timber and thatch filling the air. I want to run and close the window to my room…but I can’t move. Right now I’m not laying in my bed, but on the floor.

My head aches. It seems just like yesterday I was breathing fresh air…now I’m just felling my lungs with nothing but smoke and ashes….ashes that pierce trough me, causing pain. And I start feeling IT again.
And now I realize I’m somehow wanting this pain. I keep calling for it in the morning, waiting for it at night and recall it in the afternoon. It’s like I want to get used to it….I keep calling it when I’m conscious….and the unconscious is doing his dirty work….making me dream of things I want to forget…but things I’m still unfortunately holding on….without wanting them no more.
I tied myself up…and now I can’t find a way to free myself…cause I can’t remember how I ended up like this.
Some time ago…not so long thou, I said I won’t do this anymore….so right now…I apologize….to Myself.

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